Perfectionism therapy in Nelson, BC

The standards you hold yourself to have probably served you well in many ways. You're capable, conscientious, someone who cares about doing things right. But there's another side to this: the inner voice that says it's not quite good enough yet, the difficulty resting when there's still more to do, the exhaustion of a finish line that keeps moving.

You might even call perfectionism a strength — and in some ways it is. But when the cost includes your health, your peace, and your ability to enjoy what you've accomplished, something needs to shift.

Perfectionism is a survival strategy, not a character flaw

This pattern didn't appear out of nowhere. For most people, perfectionism developed as a solution — the best one available at the time.

Maybe approval came with achievement, and love felt conditional on performance. Maybe life felt chaotic or unsafe, and excelling in one area created a sense of control when so much else was out of your hands. Maybe mastery in school or sports compensated for something that felt unreachable elsewhere. These responses made sense. They may have worked, for a time.

The question isn't whether the pattern was reasonable — it probably was. The question is whether it's still serving you now, or whether it's costing more than it's giving.

Self-criticism feels necessary — but it works against you

Most perfectionists believe their harsh inner voice is what keeps them performing. Without it, they worry they'd become lazy or mediocre.

Research shows the opposite. Self-compassion maintains high standards while removing the suffering. People who treat themselves with kindness after setbacks are more likely to try again, more motivated to improve, and no less ambitious. The inner critic isn't the engine of your success — it's been running alongside it, often dragging on it.

Someone asked me at eighteen: "Are you good at things because you try so hard, or despite of it?" I wasn’t quite ready for the question then, but it stuck with me. It took years before I could really unpack it.

Perfectionism can be a distraction from the bigger picture

Sometimes the drive to perfect one thing is a way of not facing something larger: for example, unhappiness in your life situation; old pain that's hard to feel; or fear of pursuing something that actually matters. It might even be distracting from opportunities to sink into states that feel unfamiliar — expansiveness, enjoyment, connection.

It's easier to focus on something small enough that perfection feels possible. The organizing, the optimizing, the projects that promise satisfaction if you just get them right — they can all seem like the most compelling thing. Meanwhile, the bigger picture gets put off “just until I finish this”… a day that never comes.

Understanding the pattern isn't enough to change it

You may already understand where your perfectionism comes from. Insight is valuable, but it doesn't automatically loosen the grip. That's because perfectionism doesn't only live in your thoughts — it lives in your body.

Perfectionism lives in the tension you carry, perhaps in your neck, shoulders, face or stomach. We can notice it in the overriding of signals like hunger, fatigue, and pain. Perfectionists often have the habit of viewing themself from the outside — evaluating, critiquing — rather than inhabiting their own experience.

I know this territory personally. For years, I related to my body as something to optimize: critical responses to my appearance, overriding hunger, sacrificing inner experience for external results. What helped me shift wasn't more self-improvement. It was traveling — experiencing my body from the inside, encountering the world from my own vantage point instead of a rigid external view. Then practices like meditation, yoga, and the slow work of building a loving community of friends.

In our work together, we rebuild interoception: the capacity to feel and trust your body's signals. Using Somatic Experiencing® and body-centred approaches, we help your nervous system learn that rest is safe, that imperfection won't lead to disaster, that you can inhabit yourself rather than monitor yourself.

A different kind of satisfaction

Recovery from perfectionism doesn't mean abandoning your standards or becoming someone who doesn't care. It means a broader, qualitatively different satisfaction that comes with attending to the fuller scope of what matters to you.

You learn to love "good enough" in the areas that don't need the full might of your superpower, and to know where your attention to detail actually serves you. You make room for your health, your relationships, your long-term wellbeing. It's a good feeling — one that encompasses far more than whatever occupied your tunnel vision before.

If you recognize yourself in this, I offer a free 20-minute consultation to explore whether we'd be a good fit. You can also learn more about how I work or read about burnout, which often travels alongside perfectionism.